I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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