John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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