maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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