The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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