I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
