im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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