i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
