Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
