You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
