did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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