I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
