so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
