First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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