Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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