Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
