I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
