you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
