I will die if light touches me.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
