this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
