i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
