I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
