I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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