He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
