I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm at about main and main street
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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