I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wish my penis had an off switch
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
