She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He passed out mid-signature
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
