fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
