I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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