The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
