so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
