I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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