It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
