he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
