I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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