Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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