He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
