well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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