Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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