If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
