My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
