come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
