NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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