I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
