She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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