I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
