You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
