You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
