He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
