i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
