Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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