My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
